I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
