i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
