Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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