Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
