like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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