HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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