you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
