so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
