I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
