I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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