so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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