I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
