i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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