im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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