She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
