Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The struggles of a small town man whore
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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