Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
