my vag is so smooth its legendary
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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