hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
