Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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