He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
