Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
