She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
