Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
