Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
