so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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