i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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