I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
