you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
