I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
