2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
me + whiskey = a bad person
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize