By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
