Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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