is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
