So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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