thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Randomize