I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
