I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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