he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
