Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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