Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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