Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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