I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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