I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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