Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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