google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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