im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
