Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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