So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Randomize
