I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
