There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
