you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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