Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize