If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
