I'm so fucking centered right now
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
