haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
