omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
