i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
