Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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