Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
