I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
