I think i peed on brittanys purse
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
