I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize