Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
