So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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