I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
