he puts the penis in happiness.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
