Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
