my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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