I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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