I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize