After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
