oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
