My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You pole danced in your parka.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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