yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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