You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
