Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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