3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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