just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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