This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
