i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
