In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
NoShamevember. You game?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
