Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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