According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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