I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Randomize
