Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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