Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
