So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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