I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
