I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Floor bacon is actually really good
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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