HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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