We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
