I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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