Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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