i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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