Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
