Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
