SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
