Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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