I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize