drinking out of a sandbucket again
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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