I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize